Listen to yourself, not the lyrics

Periodically I come across songs I used to listen to in elementary and middle school.

I sang the teenage-angst-filled songs as if I knew what it was like to be in a relationship.

Never having been in a relationship in those young years of my life, what I understood about relationships came from bands like Oasis, The Fray, Maroon 5 and Snow Patrol.

These bands taught me relationships are complicated and impossible.

They constantly sang about two people who wanted to get back together but for some unexplained, frustrating reason it just can’t happen.

Racking my brain for a good song to listen to one night, I decided to bring back my favorite song from fourth grade.

My sister had a CD player that she would turn on every night.

We listened to the same mixed tape as we fell asleep in our bunk beds.

It was then that I fell in love with “Iris” by the Goo Goo Dolls.

The depressing yet beautiful song told me early on all people are broken and incapable of handling their own issues and responsibilities.

Songs like “Wonderwall” by Oasis reassured me that all I needed to do was find a boyfriend I could dump all my mental issues and insecurities on and he would gladly shoulder those along with saving me from myself.

I hope you are mentally reading my tone of voice as good natured sarcasm.

Because I am being completely sarcastic.

According to WebMD, “Codependent relationships signify a degree of unhealthy clinginess, where one person doesn’t have self-sufficiency or autonomy.”

As beautiful as the words “maybe you’re gonna be the one that saves me…” by Wonderwall might be, that type of relationship and mindset are extremely unhealthy.

Shawn Burn, Ph.D., a Psychology professor at California Polytechnic State University, described a codependent relationship as one where both parties “depend on the other person for fulfillment.”

Scott Wetzler, Ph.D., Psychology Division Chief at Albert Einstein College of Medicine developed a checklist of three signs of a codependent relationship.

Are you unable to find satisfaction in your life outside of a specific person? Do you recognize unhealthy behaviors in your partner but stay with him or her in spite of them? Are you giving support to your partner at the cost of your own mental, emotional, and physical health?

While no one can tell bands what lyrics they can and can’t sing, I think there is something to be said about the messages bands are giving young adults regarding relationships.

Some unhealthy and abusive relationships can start from finding all joy and life in another person.

When young adults feel their significant other is their only reason to live,relationships teeter on the abusive.

Reason being they know their partner is not emotionally capable of leaving them.

There is nothing wrong with being happy when you are in a relationship or wanting to be with your significant other all the time.

The problem occurs when it goes from you WANTING to be with them all the time, to you being emotionally required to be with them all the time.

Do not ever feel because of the music you listen to or the inability you might feel to walk away that being in an unhealthy relationship is normal.

Do not ever feel like there is not a way out.

Do not ever feel like codependency is not something you and your significant other can work out.

Moral of the story: music is great but healthy relationships are greater.