Hatin’ on hoverboards

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“Owning useless items is my constitutional right,” the hoverboarding community of USI says.

As of Thursday, hoverboards, a self-righting two-wheeled scooter, are officially banned on campus. Hoverboards can’t be used on campus or even stored in campus housing, as they pose a threat to student safety.

For good reason, because the toys are both a dangerous and  unnecessary luxury item.

Apparently, these contraptions cause injury when used incorrectly, which we all knew from the various internet videos of children (and Mike Tyson) failing to use their hoverboards.

However, hoverboards aren’t only a safety threat to those too unathletic to use them, they’re a safety threat to anyone who stores one in their home. Recent reports on various news outlets, such as CBS and NBC, have shown that while being stored, hoverboards can turn on, causing their Lithium-ion batteries to overheat, which may cause fire.

Good riddance, I say. Hoverboards are far from a necessity and don’t even begin to breach the area of a human right.

These impractical toys start at $300 and can cost as much as $1,000, which is a lot for a cheap, Chinese-made toy that could ignite your home in flames.

The machines aren’t just a silly invention, they are a symbol of our society. Hoverboards symbolize the indulgent nature of American consumerism.

Why save money when you could spend hundreds of dollars on a superfluous toy  your children will grow tired of before the snow melts?

Hoverboards are another useless holiday item that will soon be tossed to the side and forgotten.

And that’s just the point. People are spending hundreds of dollars on a fad item that has no real use or value.

As soon as they aren’t cool or interesting anymore, people will toss their expensive conveyances to the side for the next cool gadget.

This unquenched thirst has major negative effects, not only on a personal level, but also in society.

Consumerism is destructive to the environment, contributes to poverty and hunger, and has major ecological repercussions. The last generator of iPhones that people toss into the trash don’t get picked up by the iPhone fairy.

America, (or should I say cheaply-made Chinese products), is feeding our never-ending desire for goods, one hoverboard at a time.

When will we be full?

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