Editor’s Note: In honor of National Child Abuse Prevention Month, staff writer Meredith Harris will give personal accounts of abuse and how to help prevent child abuse for every issue this month.

I thought I should be doing more than just going through life normally, so I decided I should be crying.

I made myself cry, but that still didn’t fix anything or fill the hole in my heart that was left by the attack. I still felt empty, numb and confused.

In the antique shops I did not know what to do. What do you do when your brother has almost smothered you?

I remember a time we went to a shop that was converted from a house. The rooms were filled with antiques and candles.

I went to the attic of the antique shop – where nobody was – and lay on the floor in my winter coat. As I lay on the floor, I thought of what I should do and what was appropriate to do.

Navigating your way through abuse can be confusing and painful. It will seem easier to push aside the memories and feelings and ignore what happened.

One site that gives advice for coping strategies is www.asca.org.au.

I’m an avoider, which helps me short-term because I do not have to deal with it as much, but long-term it is more disruptive than productive.

Some of the coping strategies that adult survivors of child abuse have used since childhood include avoidance, releasing feelings, repression, emotional insulations, rationalization and intellectualization, according to asca.org.au.

Working through your emotions as an adult survivor of child abuse will suck. The negative emotions that you felt as a child will probably result in more anxiety, grief and sadness, shame and guilt, alienation and helplessness as an adult than the general population.

These emotions seem “normal” to adult survivors and may be regulated by the individuals by alcohol, drugs, sex, gambling or cutting or burning themselves.

I regulate my negative emotions by avoiding, so I read, look at news stories, watch TV, and sometimes I drink (legally). Sometimes I would go overboard and read one book in one day, along with my classwork.

I have trouble sleeping, so I would stay up until 4 a.m. reading or watching tv.

Emotions can be difficult to deal with as an adult survivor of child abuse, but learning to deal with them is beneficial to moving forward with your life.

Trust is very complex for a survivor. As a child, I would trust my brother for a few months and we would be almost like friends – then he would hurt me again. I would be angry at him for months, and again the cycle would continue.

It is hard to trust people as a survivor, but trust can be earned. It takes longer for trust to be earned than for most people, but it’s possible.

I can now trust some people in my life.