Did you know that America started a war with Mars? Did you know that having George Clooney live in the attic increases property value? Neither did I until the Topical told me about it.

The Topical is The Onion and The Onion Public Radio’s podcast that I find absolutely hilarious. None of it’s real, but it uses real-world issues to base it’s humor. So if you think that there is nothing funny about Disney being closed, well Mickey Mouse has escaped and is running around like a bloodthirsty Godzilla, save yourself.

While most episodes are able to stand on their own, some are connected in various ways. An ongoing grudge between Leslie and Marcie comes up every few episodes as well as details of Leslie Price’s backstory.

According to the Topical’s About Page (found here), the podcast is using its final breath to give people daily “news” stories.

Price has been working there since 1995. He’s known for his insistence that the moon landing was a hoax. Price started working with The Topical after “radio died in 2014”. Before that, he was apparently slaughtering animals in Missouri. 

The Topical came out in January of this year. New episodes come out every week day and each episode is usually less than 10 minutes, making it a quick way to brighten up your morning.

Please listen to The Topical before Leslie dies in the Hamilton-esque duel he just declared.