Assumptions don’t lead to awkward Hitler photos

Gavin Gaddis

Assumptions make an ass out of “u” and “me.”

No, this isn’t an article dedicated solely to explaining old catchphrases.

I’m saving that for Welcome Week next semester.

The line between an assumption and an educated guess is quite thin. So thin, people tend to cross that border more often than Detroit citizens with undiagnosed Tim Horton addictions.

I’ve made many assumptions in my life, and it’s about time I stop making them.

I assumed the words “We deliver to campus” indicated a certain local eatery had the foresight to either hire USI students as drivers or give the delivery guys maps to campus.

A phone call saying my pizza had arrived on campus, gotten lost and was on its way to the Northside of Evansville, “but I’ll swing back around afterwards, promise,” proved that was not the case.

I assumed “Furious Seven” would be as humorous as a pile of cliché-spouting garbage, only to find it was as delightfully silly as a pile of cliché-spouting gag gifts from Spencer’s. More on that on page five.

Many aspects of USI life are taken for granted, or students live by initial assumptions as if they’re a golden rule.

Some people assume they’ll be ostracized from all social circles if they ask a solitary person sitting in a group study room to clear out for their group of seven students.

We have the new sci-fi people-tanks on the fourth floor for this purpose.

They can watch questionably legal downloads of “Game of Thrones” while groups do actual schoolwork (when taking breaks from catching up on “Grey’s Anatomy”).

Students assume the University Special Collections and Archives area is actually a block of offices students aren’t supposed to enter, when in actuality it’s a Willy Wonka-esque depository of historical objects and documents capable of punching up a research paper.

Where else on campus can you hold a postcard featuring the most awkward photograph of Adolf Hitler known to humanity?

Take chances.

Gather information.

Operating on assumptions is nowhere near as fun as simply trying new things.

Just make sure you’re totally cognizant when you try those new things, unlike the time my sleep-addled brain re-routed my autopilot into a women’s room.

Luckily the women present found it hilarious and not harassment-charge worthy.