News Flash: ‘I don’t care it’s my last day’

Jimmy Pyles

Editor’s note: What follows is a tribute to Delta Gamma’s Rebecca Martinson, who wrote a widely-publicized, offensive email to her sorority sisters about their shortcomings as a chapter.

If you are reading this then tie yourself down to whatever chair you’re sitting in because this opinion is going to be a rough ride.

For those of you who have no idea what goes on at USI, which apparently is the majority of students on this campus, then you need to pick up a copy of The Shield because you have been messing up. I hear students complain all the time about how lame and boring campus is when really, they are just uninformed.

If you’re reading this right now and saying, “But OMG, Jimmy. I don’t read The Shield,” then go pick up a copy right now so I don’t have to find you on campus to make you pick one up.

I don’t give a shit about how much you love looking at BuzzFeed. You have six days out of the week to see the “Best Sloth GIFs,” but Thursday is not one of them. I repeat: Thursday is not one of them. Thursday is the one day out of the week when you can read about news, sports and life on this campus.

News flash: I don’t care if you hate The Shield. Oh wait! Double news flash: Stop hating The Shield because we write stories about you screwing up. If you’re an idiot and need me to spell it out for you then here: Stop. Screwing. Up. And we will not write about it.

This also applies to select faculty members who comment to one another on Facebook about how horrible we are at interviewing them, saying we misquote them when we have the recording.

I’m sorry the words that came out of your mouth made you sound dumb and we used them. How is that a professional way to give criticism or feedback? That’s not a rhetorical question. I literally want you to email me back telling me how you think that’s professional.

“But, Jimmy!” you say in your whiny little girl voice as you read this opinion, “Don’t you think that’s a little harsh?” No, you deadbeat loser, it isn’t. Do you want to know why? Because we may not be the best at what we do, but we try harder week in and week out than a lot of other groups on this campus. I haven’t seen Student Government Association, Red Zone or any other organizations working in their office until two in the morning and producing something fresh and new each week.

“Ohhh Jimmy, now I’m crying and mad because of your opinion.” Well, good! If this opinion applies to you in any way, then suck it up.

I have had a great year being Editor-in-Chief of The Shield along with a hardworking staff, so I don’t care if you’re mad at the stories we ran or didn’t run.

And for those of you who are offended by this opinion, I would apologize but this is my last day as Editor-in-Chief, so I don’t give a shit what you think.