What the fuck? Leggings

Jimmy Pyles

Let me start off by saying I don’t hate leggings/jeggings, actually I find them to be the short shorts of winter.
Girls seem to be wearing them everywhere from school to church and even funerals. Ok, I am not sure they are worn at the last two places but they are worn at school and many other places. Even celebrities like Conan O’Brian have worn them, and they look better on him than some girls.
I constantly find myself walking behind a girl in legging/jeggings, which is fine until I glance at their butt; sorry girls, but if you’re going to wear them, I am going to look. If you think I am ‘perv’ sue me.
Back to the story, I notice that after walking behind these girls some have huge wedgies. Come on ladies, how can you not feel your ass eating your leggings/jeggings?
Which is why at this point if I have been walking behind from the Orr Center to the quad and you haven’t noticed it, I reserve the right to either tell you without fault or save your leggings from being totally ate by your ass.
Now sure it’s fine to wear them, that is if you have a nice figure. I’m not trying to be rude, I just know what I can and can’t wear regardless of the trend. I’m not going to go out and buy a baby gap shirt like Simon Cowell from American Idol, so I expect that girls with cottage cheese thighs that can be seen through the leggings not to wear them out of respect for the human race.
Now ladies it’s cold outside, so why are you wearing saran wrap on your legs? You know you should put some pants on, but it’s fine because your feet are always warm with the UGG boots that seem to go hand-in-hand with leggings/jeggings.