I walked into the art center the other day when I was escorting my girlfriend to her next class and, because time allowed, we sat down and started to talk.
As the conversation progressed, my eyes wandered to the wall in front of us. What I saw shocked me.
I saw a naked woman, and I don’t think I’ve looked away from something so quickly in my life.
My girlfriend rambled on about something that had become incoherent to me. It seemed she didn’t notice the portrait of some random woman’s voluptuous breasts staring us in the face.
Now I was in a dilemma.
I sat there trying not to look back at the wall, fearing that my girlfriend‘s eyes would follow mine.
What actually struck me about the picture was the woman’s surprisingly bored expression.
I don’t know if I could handle having my nude portrait hanging in the middle of a hallway, but maybe she thought nobody would notice or something.
Or perhaps she is proud of her body. If that’s the case, more power to you, Strange Naked Lady.
Still, I wouldn’t want to walk down campus sidewalks with strangers running up to me and saying:
“Hey, are those your breasts hanging in the hallway?”
“Why yes, thank you for noticing.”
“No problem. They’re big, and you’re hot.”
“Uh, thank you?”
When the person’s eyes traveled down my shirt, I’d be slightly uncomfortable with the fact they really don’t need much of an imagination to picture me naked.
Some guys like that challenge. I’m not one of them, of course.
As for the artistic value of the portrait, if my body was going to be on the wall, I would want an artist that could actually make my breasts not look lopsided.
After all, I wouldn’t want to give hundreds of strangers the wrong idea.
Also, I would want to put some kind of emotion on my face because I wouldn’t want anyone to think I was naked and bored. Those two things really don’t mix well in my book.
Wait a minute, isn’t that how most famous nude sculptures and paintings look though?
David: Holding a towel, naked and bored.
The Thinker: Hand on face, naked and bored.
The Birth of Venus: Naked on a seashell and bored.
I guess it is normal to be naked and bored.
Anyways, I was really hoping my girlfriend wouldn’t ask me a direct question, because I was too concerned with the naked woman to pay attention.
Finally, her class started and as we hugged, I saw that woman staring at me.
And as I walked away, I heard my girlfriend call over my shoulder: “It’s weird, but I keep feeling like that lady is watching me.”
She said this as she motioned to the nude picture.
My heart exploded.
Did she find me out? Was she staring at it too? (That could be a good thing). What if she tests me over what she said earlier? Uh-oh…
I nodded and waved with a big nervous smile. As I turned to walk away again, I could’ve sworn that Strange Naked Lady was checking out my butt.
I felt cheap and used, but I know I‘m not the only one. Plenty of people walk through that hallway.
And I can’t really blame her. After all, it is boring to be naked, right?
