What the F#©k? Stalking: the old fashioned way

Justin Law

For those of you that live your life vicariously through Facebook, your time of wishing that special someone was yours is now over. Facebook has announced that it will be releasing a “breakup notifier” that will tell you when the person you’ve been stalking is finally single for you to pounce on.facebook_color

I’ve been wondering how I would know when to ask that girl in American government out. Now all I have to do is find her on Facebook, tell it to notify me when she changes her relationship status to “single” and the rest is simple.

Right? Idiots.

In case you haven’t figured it out, I’ve not stooped to that level of creeper yet. I still prefer stalking the old fashioned way: sitting a couple of rows back and just telling myself that today is the day to talk to her.

What else is there to do in American government? I noticed her about a week ago, one of those times when I just looked like I was interested in what the professor was saying.

I thought, “hey, that girl kind of looks like Lzzy Hale from Halestorm!” (No I didn’t spell her name wrong, that’s really how she spells it).

Plus one for American government!

Now obviously she’s caught my attention, but am I weird for not wanting to go the way the rest of the world and not stalk her on Facebook? What’s wrong with people today? Facebook has turned into a breeding ground for future stalkers and peeping Toms. Whatever happened to talking to a girl – or whoever – face to face?

In my generation, everything is done indirectly. We text rather than call, we email rather than actually meet with our professors and now we also receive email notification when that person we are drooling over is once more up for grabs.

Well excuse me for being “old fashioned” or whatever we kids are calling it nowadays, but I’ll continue to stalk her from a couple rows back. Who knows, maybe today’s the day!