Testing Trauma

I tapped my pencil against the wooden desk, waiting for the answers to transfer from my brain onto my paper.

30 minutes into my exam and I was still on the first page of my test. Students were already handing theirs in, confident in their answers.

My palms were sweaty and my face pale with fear in my eyes.

“It’s just a test,” I told myself.

But it wasn’t just a test. It’s never just a test. It’s something with which is used by people to judge you.. It’s something that kept me awake the night before, worried the hours I spent studying were still not enough.

I’ve tried tutors. I’ve tried one-on-ones with teachers. I’ve even tried putting notes all over my bedroom walls, studying for hours, only to still end up with an F.

I just don’t test well.

If you look at a majority of my test scores, you would assume I am the stereotypical student who does not care about their grades and is too lazy to study.

But that is not the case and I am not the person my test scores portray.

Professors constantly say your GPA defines your future and your grades determine if you get a job or not.

P.S. They lie.

That type of language puts unnecessary fear in students and isn’t the complete the truth.

I understand my grades and GPA are important to succeed, but there are many more pieces to the puzzle that is a positive future.

I don’t believe anyone should use my grades, GPA, or test scores to judge my character.

There is a lot more to me than what a few numbers and letters represent.

So far, I have managed to keep an above average GPA, thanks to homework and projects. Class curriculum should be more about homework, instead of basing it solely off of tests.

I’m tired of being classified by a test that measures my anxiety performance instead of my intelligence.