“Society is always trying in some way to grind us down to a single flat surface,” wrote Oliver Wendell Holmes, American author and physician of the 19th century.
And while I imagine this quote holds macro-societal profundity, I think watching it played out daily at USI is a bit more entertaining.
So let me show you how we’re all the average Joe or JoAnne. Here are three quick evidences of our communal rolling pin:
1. Open Door Policy – The open door policy boasts the most adherents of all on-campus norms.
In its simplest form, individual one approaches and opens a door. Noticing, however, that he is tracked closely by individual two, he opens the door slightly more and gives it an extra push, simultaneously turning his head 90 degrees toward the door and looking down.
This head gesture predicts individual two’s gratitude and says “Yep, you’re welcome” with as little effort as possible.
Whether such a procession occurs though is determined by several variables, the greatest of which is distance.
Individual one must ask, “Will my extra push keep the door open long enough for individual two to get to it?” If not, he must decide if the gap is so great that stopping and holding the door will create an uncomfortable situation.
His goal is to appear neither jerkish nor overly concerned.
Of course, should he err in judgment here, individual two will increase her pace and convey enough extra gratitude to make individual one feel justified in his decision.
Other variables include location (the Wright Administration Building doors opposite the Orr Center require door-holding the most), gender, familiarity and age.
2. ‘How’re you doing?’ – On any given day, this phrase is uttered across campus hundreds to thousands of times.
The first and most prominent level of this greeting, which is indicated by an especially false sincerity and no attempt to stop and chat, is the ‘Do Not Disturb’ sign of conversation. It says, ‘I don’t want to seem like I don’t want to talk to you right now, but I don’t want to talk to you right now’
Most guys can get away with an unconcerned ‘tsup?’ or ‘sup with you man?’ Ladies, however, are socially obliged to pronounce a fuller question, such as ‘How are you?’ — with an emphasis on ‘you’ to suggest honest interest.
This can become tricky as people of lesser familiarity encounter one another.
For example, if you pass an individual you clearly recognize from one of your classes but have had little interaction with, should you present them with a greeting?
The answer to this question typically rests on two factors: visibility and eye contact.
If he or she is approaching directly down an otherwise vacant hall, it’s difficult to feign ignorance — you’ll probably have to greet.
If eye contact is made, however, you have no choice — present the greeting or be known as inconsiderate.
3. Sub Connection line etiquette – Standing in line at Sub Connection can be a complicated matter.
If alone, individuals will encounter little difficulty at first, simply walking to the back of the line and stopping.
This is a trap.
Once there, the lone line-stander quickly discovers that he has nowhere to comfortably rest his eyes.
The first minute or so is spent looking at those sitting nearby, but after one or two people have caught him gazing, he turns to the wall on the right — big windows and flags.
A thought may urge him to repeatedly look at a particular person in line, either intentionally or in a day-dream, but this often ends with detection and disaster.
Joining the line with a group mostly eliminates this gazing problem, but it adds a few troubles of its own.
If line position is not clearly designated within the group, every forward move must be carefully calculated.
Stepping forward too quickly will make the others think you want first place in line and thus are ignobly selfish. Holding back, too, obviously will make the others think you are overly concerned with the line order and thus are uncool.
If two group members attempt a forward step at the same time, they may find themselves in a situation similar to a four-way stop ‘go/no go.’
This display of awkward kills any group’s atmosphere.