‘Meet the Blacks’: I walked out

'Meet the Blacks': I walked out

“Meet the Blacks” is the first film I’ve ever walked out of.

Mike Epps has spent his acting career being the comedic side character, usually portraying a couple of stereotypes along the way. “Meet the Blacks” seems to be his attempt at combining every single racial stereotype he’s ever been exposed to into one film.

Oh, and they have characters randomly mention the word purge every few lines to remind audience members they’re watching a movie that claims to be a parody of “The Purge.” A pity, since “The Purge” lost all cultural relevance within months of its initial release.

“50 Shades of Black” was 11 months late to the party making fun of a movie. “Meet the Blacks” missed that train by three years.

If you were to take hundreds of videos from Vine that follow the “[race/ethnicity] people be like ___” format, you have the first two thirds of “Meet the Blacks.” Apparently this brilliant method of film production wasn’t the best idea, as the film grossed a total of $4 million over its opening weekend.

With that level of quality, it’s no surprise I left with 30 minutes left on the clock.

I didn’t leave in a fit of rage, or in any sort of emotion brought on by an emotional connection with the movie. I walked out of the otherwise empty theater because my phone’s battery was almost dead.

If I couldn’t message people about the train wreck of a “comedy” on the screen in front of me, I had no reason to waste the remaining half-hour of runtime on lazy garbage.

When I say lazy, I really mean it.

The scene that made a voice in my head say “You should leave this theater” was when the characters sat at a table discussing whether or not they should leave, when explosions outside cause the power to flicker.

The power flickering is represented by taking a color-grading slider in the editing software and sliding all the way to blue, then all the way back to normal. One has reached a new level of bad when their production crew can’t be asked to simply turn off lights.

The writers couldn’t be bothered to write anything actually funny, so they resorted to cheap racial humor.

I couldn’t be bothered to finish this garbage, so I went home and watched “Cowboy Bebop.”

Of the three of us, I win

0 out of 5 stars (0 / 5)