Starbucks has removed all Christmas-related artwork from their annual holiday season red cup, which has caused many people to accuse the coffee chain of attacking Christmas.
This news broke while I was literally knee-deep in things most people claim truly matter last Sunday.
Supposedly irreplaceable items: diplomas, cherished baby clothes and craft projects obviously made with great pride by small children littered the floor.
I see all of these things as I sweep them into a garbage bag without a second thought, an entire family’s heirlooms off to a landfill.
Excuse me if I have a hard time finding the deletion of snowflakes and reindeer from a disposable paper cup something worth any level of outrage.
No, I’m not an incredibly vindictive burglar. My family bids on salvage rights for storage units at auction. A unit can only go to auction with at least six months’ unpaid rent, so whatever we may find usually comes from three possibilities: the owner moved and left everything, the owner didn’t have cash or storage space to recover the items, or the owner died.
One thing that really sucks about this as a moneymaking venture is the fact that you have to see everything, not just the fancy stuff you see on “Storage Wars.”
Childhood photos lovingly arranged in albums, stained furniture set aside for a future re-upholstering project and hidden sex toys (you have no idea how much effort is put into effectively hiding sex toys in units, it’s like a perverted Easter egg hunt) are common sights.
I’ve held seven years of correspondence from an incarcerated father to his family, each letter containing an intricate drawing on the back of the envelope as a gift to his daughter.
Those are gone now.
From what I’ve heard, some students on campus will miss a cartoon Santa Claus on the side of their morning latte, the last third of which will probably be thrown away because it cooled off during lecture.
Of course what actually matters to someone is subjective, the examples I have used in this article are things I feel many people can agree are important artifacts.
Before jumping on the next big internet outrage, I want you to ask yourself the following question: “Does this really matter?”
You’d be surprised at how many things don’t actually matter, in the end. High school love letters, favorite sweaters, I’ve thrown them all away.
Drop the cups.