Netflix and chill out

Gavin Gaddis

Do you find it hard to propose intercourse with your current partner or a potential partner? Don’t worry, from what I can tell my age demographic has corrupted perfectly innocent language into vaguely sexual proposals. Now you too can suggest a trip to the bone zone without fear of rejection.

Lately I’ve seen some common trends arising both on campus and in worldwide forms of social media, and as an old man trapped in a 24-year-old body I wish to clarify for both my sake and that of campus.

What is Netflix and chill?

This term has gained popularity as of late thanks to several meme images making the rounds on social media. The most popular initial version of said meme is a medieval pornographic drawing— depicting a woman look- ing entirely apathetic to her lover—with a caption reading, “You said Netflix and chill.”

I fully recognize the act behind “Netflix and chill” is a time-honored tradition used by every person too awkward to simply ask if the other person would like to do the sex.

I may be a prude, but I find Netflix and chill’s strategy translates to “having sex with you is slightly less boring than staring at a screen.” Of course I could be a little peeved as someone who actually does watch Netflix and chills out with people.

What does the word cuddle mean?

Possibly the more insidious term of the three I’m writing about, cuddling seems to be an amorphous term that can mean anything from “held for comfort” to “boinking, but slowly.” A personal favor- ite of Yik Yak, cuddling seems to be the fallback for those who are uncom- fortable outright asking for sex, but do not have Netf- lix as a smokescreen.

What does hookup mean?

I’ve been told it’s just kissing or holding each other (see: cuddling) yet there are also those who consider hooking up to be sex.

The common thread between all of these is a consistent attempt to hide the idea of having sex in- side of a seemingly innocent term. There are some who use these terms ironically or as banter inside of a healthy relationship, something I take no issue with.

The vocal majority, however, seem to use the vague nature of these terms to trick a potential partner into spending time alone with them.

There is no honor in gaming the system, kids. Talking someone into ly- ing in bed with you and in- tentionally showing them boring Netflix shows with the hopes of getting laid is not the way to go about life. Nobody wants to be cajoled into the horizontal mambo, and nobody likes being talked to as if they’re not smart enough to read between the lines. Be spe- cific with your plans, even if you sound a bit dorky.

“Would you like to come over tonight? We could light some candles and spend some time in bed,” may not be the smoothest sentence ever, but at least you’re being honest. “Netflix and chill? ;)” translates to “I want to bone, but I don’t want to be rejected.”

Specificity is the soul of narrative. Being rejected isn’t fun, but that’s part of being an adult. Let’s not stoop to childish mind games.