‘You scratch my back, I vote for you’

Gavin Gaddis

It’s campaign week here at USI.

Three shall enter. One shall win.

The other two will still be around, I guess.

I’m new here.

With all of the political talk on campus, I find it’s time to dust off my weekly soapbox and discuss the all-important topic of keeping promises.

It’s a long-running trope of politicians, big and small, to make campaign promises that may or may not be achievable in this – or any – nearby dimensions of reality.

Newt Gringrich proposed a colony on the moon by 2020, ignoring the fact that the best minds of NASA still haven’t figured out how to prevent solar radiation cooking long-term in their suits like so much SPAM.

A certain monarch-obsessed pizza establishment promises delivery on campus. A simple order with the instructions “I am in UC East (attached to the cone) in the Fireside Lounge, opposite Cyclone salads” and an hour-long wait indicate that is not always the case.

Not every delivery driver working for them has any clue what UC stands for, let alone where it might be.
I would argue the giant cone is a giveaway, but that’s another opinion piece.

Promises are easy to make and tend to vary in importance.

We might promise to not watch the final season of a show until a loved one catches up, but generally these lightweight commitments fall to the wayside.

An important aspect of a promise is to analyze whether it is even attainable.

Is the promiser actually capable of delivering a desirable outcome to the promisee?

Does the act of making the promise benefit the promiser?

Is there an inherent “you scratch my back, etc. etc.” implication to the promise?

If you’ve answered yes to any of these three questions, proceed with caution.

That person most likely stands to profit in the short run from not delivering in the long run.

I do not wish to suggest that all of campus be flooded with an air of criticism – USI gets enough of that from my movie reviews as it is.

Skepticism is key.

When used in proper amounts, you too can skate through any election with your emotions, voter integrity and sanity intact.

Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to prepare my campaign platform for the 2016 election circuit.

What change could I bring to campus?

I’ll give you a hit: It rhymes with brie fruition.

Trust me, I’m an English major.