USI: Unbelievably Spammy Inbox

Jake Tapley

I am grateful for all the spam I get in my USI email account.

Yes, my life’s expenses are adding up. Being a student can be expensive.

Yes, I do want to make an outrageous amount of money in my spare time by just following a link.

And no, I don’t think it’s suspicious at all that you only sent this email to USI students with last names beginning with the letter “T.”

My inbox is consistently cluttered with this junk to the point that I can’t tell the difference between actual mail worth reading and bogus mail worth flagging, which is exactly how I like it.

Honestly, no part of my life is any harder because of it.

I don’t even know what I would do if things were in order – if the names of my professors or classmates weren’t the only key terms prompting me to open a message.

I mean, theoretically, I guess I would probably see the graduation application emails that were sent to me and never write an opinion addressing a perceived lack of communication or understanding.

I would probably not come off as a jerk to Arlene Fortune, who has been more than helpful in reaching out to me. I would probably realize that I am graduating in the spring and would then be sorry for ever having the slightest doubt.

I would probably not have to end an editorial with an apology.