Drinking should be fun, not formulaic

Bobby Shipman

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For 21 years, I dreamt of the day I could legally walk into a bar and take a long swig of a whisky on the rocks.

OK, so I might be exaggerating just a little. I mean, when I was a 5 year old, I wasn’t sneaking shots of tequila behind the jungle-gym with my one-eyed stuffed dog Heartnose (he had a heart for a nose). I had quite the imagination.

I do remember, however, feeling as if I had been waiting my whole life as I took my first legal drink at T.G.I. Friday’s on a Wednesday afternoon.

As I sipped on the pale green concoction I selected as my premiere cocktail, I remember feeling somewhat grown-up.

That feeling subsided hours later as I took shots at a local bar while my pal gave middle-aged women lap dances and threw popcorn into a homeless man’s mouth.

Three years later, I long for the days when I was throwing “secret” parties at my parents’s house which consisted of drunken truth-or-dare and peanut shots (don’t ask).

My statement is this: nightlife is not all that fantastic, especially in Evansville, Ind.

Although, I could see the desperation of shallow-minded college students rumping each other in the bum-bums growing tiresome in any city.

Try finding a niche which suits your personality. Don’t put on airs at a thoughtless cesspool like Maingate or Backstage.

Unfortunately, Evansville lacks the diversity of bigger cities like Portland or Chicago, which is why I encourage board game nights.

Whip out Sorry! or Monopoloy and change the rules to make it fun and weird. Then, invite your friends who can accept the fact that you just spent three hours altering the rules to a board game invented decades ago.

Peculiarity should not be confined to boards. Make up games that keep you active, such as the blindfolded runway challenge or spin around and see who barfs first.

I am not saying one should stay in and drink every night and only socialize with people you know. I am simply cautioning one not to waste their nights going out on the town.

Drinking at bars is expensive. Bars get crowded and sweaty and desperation smells like asshole.

Also, I doubt all of your friends are drinkers. Why exclude them and potentially alienate a companion when you can include everyone?

I’m lying if I say going out is never fun, but you have to admit, weekly weekend offenders turn into formulaic zombies.

Next time you go out on the town, follow my lead to avoid becoming uninteresting, shallow and pathetic. Try hiding steak sauce in your pants, blocking the bathroom entrance with a sofa, switching shoes with strangers, throwing darts at something other than the dartboard or dancing upside-down.

Or, you could go out with the intentions of dancing and listening to good music, with good friends and feeling content in your own skin – with vodka.